And suddenly the world stopped turning…

Mid February, to be precise, on February 11th 2022, my then 14-month-old wasn‘t feeling well. His pediatrician didn‘t have time for us – it was Friday afternoon – so my husband and I decided to get him checked in the children’s hospital. While waiting in the ER, my son‘s condition improved. He started drinking and wanted to eat. I forgot to pack food for him, so we needed to get something out of the vending machine.

„He’s much better, should we leave?“ I looked around, one mother was busy on her phone while her daughter was trying to get her attention. Another mum playing on a computer with her daughter. And a third one, which I cannot remember now. We were already waiting for 2 hours, I should be the second one in line. Let‘s get him checked, now that we‘re already here. These were my thoughts.

The emergency doctor was distanced, still nice. I explained why I came in. She listened, nodded and agreed that the symptoms let assume my son fell ill with an abdominal influenza. „For the sake of completeness I would like to do an abdomen palpation“ „Of course“ I answered and pulled up his bodysuit. She started examining, started over again. Changed the angle of her hand while moving them over his belly. „I can feel something which I can‘t place. I would like to invite you to an abdominal ultrasound for tomorrow.“ „Yes, of course“ I said, adding my credo „better check more than too little“. She advised us to come in around 1pm so that we are already here when radiology starts working.

Saturday, February 12th 2022

My husband dropped us off at the children‘s hospital at 1pm. Due to the pandemic only one parent is allowed to accompany a child. We had to go through ER again, were they expected us. A nursenescorted us into the examination room. She closed the curtains while letting me know that she‘ll come again once they call from radiology. I can‘t remember exactly, but the wait wasn‘t long.

The room for the ultrasound had painted walls. A bear in a spacesuit and colourful planets. The radiologist came in. He didn‘t really speak a lot. I explained to my son what will be done next, he sat there, looked at my mobile playing a kid‘s movie and let the doctor do his job. I was staring at the screen, trying to recognize something, while talking to my son (I was explaining the pictures on the screen in my hand to „mitigate“ the damage, that I thought screentime in the early childhood ages can do).

After what felt like an eternity the radiologist was finished. „I could see in the report that you were sent here to check the abdomen?“ „Yes“ I said and added that yesterday‘s emergency doctor felt a hardening in the upper abdomen which she wanted to get further information on. „Indeed, there is something close to the liver which the ultrasound device cannot completely capture.“ I crinched. The examination was already taking too long. „What does this mean?“ I asked. He would only tell me, that to get better views, further examinations would need to be done. MRI or CT will most likely be required.

Back in the ER my son and I where then escorted into a separate room. „That‘s it“ I thought „this is the end!“